Authenticity
June's Joy #1
For all of those who celebrate, Happy Pride!
To kick off a revolutionary month, I wanted to share a piece I wrote a long time ago after I came out to my parents.
This month will be also be my first wedding anniversary and I couldn’t be more proud to celebrate our healthy love.
When I reflected on how long it took me to accept myself, I think about how far I’ve come in loving who I am.
From my Catholic upbringing to trying to appease my parents, I sacrificed my authenticity. I battled with myself to find myself and hit some really dark times before I saw my truth.
My mother and I are a work in progress, but we have come so far in our relationship and I only hope we can continue to understand one another.
:.Thank you for taking the time to listen to my heart:.
________________________
Back in the day my mother said it was a phase and that these days would end soon. She said I always morphed into the company I kept.. So I slept On it.. I started to think her thoughts... What brought me here? I know the conversations and sensations I felt were real that I pushed deep down. This was not a phase.. Those were the days I felt most true to me. I don't hand out apologies, I just want you to acknowledge me For the evolution that is me. Without trying to morph me into your version of my identity. You have this notion of a false sense of who I've become. You attack and don't listen, But what you don't realize you're missing, Is the true essence of your last born. We put a pause on the causes that are directly related to my core. It's a sore spot when I put you on the spot To talk about the indifferences I experience. Arguments fall silent. We don't talk about the news; So you don't have to ask me if I've had to diffuse situations or if I've ever been somewhere I've felt unsafe.. I recall the demands That I couldn't hold hands With another bursting of estrogen. We were supposed to be with men.. That's what the nuns said. So, I was left in a ball of confusion. Was the God I grew up under all just an a.l.l.u.s.i.o.n.? Did he only love & accept me if I were straight and narrow? Our conversations turned nonexistent and I began on a dangerous journey to seek my existence.. But through the tragedies All I ask of me is To exercise my resilience, To enhance my brilliance, And to get to know my higher power. Who is loving and accepting of my eccentricity. And most importantly, My authenticity.
